Are You a High Conflict Personality?

Segment 1: High Conflict Personalities.  On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we speak with Bill Eddy: lawyer, therapist, mediator and President of High Conflict Institute (http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/). Bill developed the “High Conflict Personality” theory and provides training for individuals and businesses on dispute resolution involving people with high conflict personalities. Bill began his career as a social worker, but soon found he enjoyed conflict resolution and mediation. Eventually he went to law school and practiced Family Law, and it became clear to him that the driving force of high conflict cases was mental health issues, especially those that weren’t obvious on the surface. From there he studied and wrote books on the topic of High Conflict Personalities (HCP).

People with HCP often don’t reflect on their own behavior. They feel helpless, and don’t feel they are causing the problem. Bill also found that they have four traits in common: “all or nothing” thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behavior, and a preoccupation with blaming others.

Segment 2: Problem Solving Brain vs. Defensive Brain.  Why is it that when we get into conflict, it seems to bring out our worst behavior? Bill believes that it has to do with the brain. He thinks of it in terms of the problem-solving side of the brain versus the defensive side of the brain. In many situations the left side is the problem solving side, but in a crisis it switches over to defensiveness. When we’re defensive we shut off the neurological parts like the higher cortex. We don’t think well and react in all-of-nothing ways. The High Conflict Personality person gets stuck and can’t deescalate themselves or the situation. There is a lack of self-awareness.

Segment 3: An Educational Approach.   Bill believes that in dispute resolution it’s easy to spend too much time talking about the past. Instead, we should talk about proposals and how to move forward. We need more structure, more focus on the future. Mediators are here to help and guide, but they can’t make decisions, and they are not responsible for the outcome. High Conflict Personalities don’t think about the future. They stay stuck in the past. Mediators need to educate the High Conflict Personality about the consequences of certain decisions and the choices that they have. It’s an educational approach, without anger or hostility.

Segment 4: Start with Connecting.  So what do we do when we are dealing with a High Conflict Personality? Bill suggests using the CARS method: connect, analyze options, respond, and setting limits. If we respond with interest, respect and empathy, and if we stay calm, it seems to deescalate the situation about 90% of the time. Start by connecting. Ask about their weekend, for instance. Then analyze the options regarding the relationship. This makes us feel more powerful. We have choices. Finally, we set limits clearly and firmly.

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Power, Rights and Interests: the “Big Three” of Conflict Resolution

One useful way to look at conflict is in terms of power, rights, and interests. Framing the conflict as a power struggle, an assertion of rights, or a satisfaction of interests can dramatically affect the process and the outcome. If you are analyzing a conflict, identifying how the parties see the conflict in terms of power, rights, and interests can lead to transformative solutions not otherwise apparent.

            Power is the ability to have one's way against the wishes of another. A very simple example of power is the power of voting. Whether the votes are cast for political office or organizational positions, the voters have the power to choose. People do not like to be coerced by power. Consequently, resolving conflicts by imposition of will seldom leads to peace. However, there are many situations when resolving a conflict by power is appropriate. For example, I do not want a negotiation in the hospital emergency room when I'm suffering from a cardiac arrest. Similarly, in other emergency situations a clear command structure more likely assures safety and security.

            Rights enforcement is the ability to have a third party decide that one may act against the wishes of another. The threat of rights enforcement can be similar to power and used for negotiation purposes.  Rights enforcement is commonly conducted through the judicial system, but other systems, such as arbitration or grievance procedures may also be utilized. Rights enforcement usually involves a process of naming, blaming and claiming.  When a person's rights have been violated, the violator is usually identifiable. This is naming. Blaming occurs when a causal link is established between the violator and the injury. Claiming follows blaming, usually constituting a demand for redress. Rights enforcement is appropriate when one party of a conflict has systematically oppressed another party. Rights enforcement is also appropriate when one party refuses to acknowledge an injustice or injury. However, rights enforcement leads to more conflict when it is the conflict resolution method of choice. People conditioned to name, blame and claim are less likely to seek peaceful and cooperative resolution of conflict.

            Interests are the things that people wish to have satisfied. Interests are the foundations for positions in negotiations. For example, if in an automobile injury case the plaintiff demands $50,000.00, the plaintiff has stated a position. The interests underlying that position may include compensation for pain and suffering, lost wages, medical expenses, and general aggravation from dealing with the accident. In addition, there may be non-monetary injustices that must be acknowledged and reconciled. Identifying and acknowledging interests often leads to more creative solutions. Furthermore, when conflicts are defined in terms of interests rather than power or rights, people tend to cooperate rather than compete. Satisfying an interest is emotionally easier to accept than compelling action through power or seeking third-party assistance, such as litigation or arbitration.

            If you are analyzing a conflict as a manager, ask yourself if any of the parties are attempting to assert power over the others. Perhaps two people are in a power struggle against one another, seeking to determine who will be dominant in the relationship. Instead of defining the conflict in terms of power, ask the parties to identify the injustices each has suffered and the interests each wishes satisfied. Find out if the parties can work cooperatively to satisfy all of the interests between them. By reframing the conflict as interest-based rather than power-based, you can move the parties from competitive hostility to cooperative teamwork.

            Power, rights, and interests are ways of a looking at and resolving conflict. Whenever possible, seek interest-based resolutions, then rights enforcement, and finally, if all else fails, use a power-based process. 

Douglas E. Noll, Lawyer to Peacemaker

Creator of Negotiation Mastery for the Legal Pro

California Lawyer Magazine, California Attorney of the Year 2012

 

 

The Olive Tree Initiative: Educating Students about the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Segment 1: A Multi-Faith, Multi-Cultural Student Group. Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Shannon Thomas, Berkeley Delegate and founding president of Olive Tree Initiative in Berkeley. Olive Tree Initiative (OTI) is a diplomatic and educational program that’s goal is to educate students about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The group is comprised of multi-faith, multi-cultural students from various backgrounds coming together to reach a more holistic understanding of the conflict.

Shannon, raised in a global family and community, came to Berkeley knowing that she wanted to focus her degree on the Middle East. She felt called from an early age to pursue something that would make a tangible difference in the world. Part of that goal was realized last summer when she had the unique pleasure of traveling with 40+ peacemaking students via OTI to Isreal and the West Bank. Shannon stresses that you can’t truly understand the conflict until you experience it for yourself, in person. With OTI she was able to explore personal lives and narratives. She found there was a clear disconnect between the political rhetoric and the personal side of the conflict.

Segment 2: Peace First. Shannon says (all opinions are her own) that the top priority of all the policy makers in the Israeli region needs to be PEACE FIRST instead of personal goals and national interests. She thinks one thing that is overemphasized in the media is the intractability of this conflict. Of course there are clear issues are around water, which territories are included, and Jerusalem. However, the technical issues have been worked out and the outline is already there. What they need now are politicians who can pull it together and have the courage to follow through with open dialogue and peace building at the forefront.

Segment 3: Reflection and Transformation.The word Shannon uses to describe her trip to Israel and the West Bank is transformative. However, it was also very difficult, as the students were in a constant state of cognitive dissent. They had different opinions and different narratives thrown at them daily. Their own beliefs were constantly challenged. It was tiring physically, emotionally and mentally. One of the most meaningful outcomes was recognizing that this was not just a conflict to be studied on paper; it is a human conflict. At the end of each day they engaged in a reflective discussion about what they experienced during the day. Reflection was where they tied everything together, academically and personally. Sometimes it was difficult to find common ground, but being forced to actively listen and respect other people’s opinions and viewpoints was really an amazing growth experience for someone trying to grapple with the multiple dimensions of this conflict.

Segment 4: Person-to-Person. Shannon knows the most immediate and effective means of resolving conflict is usually person to person. There are many different directions she can go with her career, whether it’s on the ground or higher up in an organization. This summer Shannon is honored to lead another OTI group to Israel and the West Bank, and she wants to keep the Israeli-Palestinian conflict on the top of her career agenda.

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Conflict Unplugged

Segment 1: Why Don’t We Try Cooperation?

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is up-and-coming young peacemaker Jesse Treakle, founder and director of the organization Conflict Unplugged. Jesse is based in San Diego and is currently finishing up his PhD in Conflict Resolution. When asked about his personal journey as a peacemaker, Jesse remembers at the age of five settling a conflict between two cousins. They were arguing over who was going to climb the ladder of a hen house first, and as the story goes, Jesse asked them, “Why don’t we try cooperation?” In 2000 as a member of AmeriCorps, Jesse had his first official mediation training seminar and walked out of the event a changed man. The skills spoke to him and he knew they would speak to others. He then spent a year in Switzerland studying peacemaking and pursued a Master’s degree in conflict resolution.

 

Segment 2: Teach the Children.

Eventually Jesse ended up in United Arab Emirates teaching English and conflict resolution to school kids. He had no idea the response to his first after-school program would be so huge. The school kids came each week and learned conflict resolution techniques and skills, which was completely new terrain to them. It was a very powerful experience, for Jesse as well as the students.

 

Segment 3: Conflict Unplugged.

Jesse tell us that he set up his peacemaking organization, Conflict Unplugged, on two simple ideas:

1) Conflict is not synonymous with disagreement. Often we think if we get into a disagreement we automatically get into a conflict. Instead, we need to ask ourselves, “What triggers lead us into conflict and how can we catch ourselves before we go down that road?”

2) It’s important to create a clear definition of conflict and to stress that is it NOT positive and inevitable, but instead, negative and preventable. This change of mindset is not easy and takes effort, but if we want to create a world that is harmonious and break the cycles of violence then we need to get past the idea that we are inevitably driven toward conflict.

 

Segment 4: Study the Instigators.

So how do you teach people to become less reactive to the triggers that cause conflict? The first thing is to separate disagreement and conflict. Then identify and study the instigators: anger and other negative feelings, negative character judgment, and feelings of inferiority or superiority. It’s a process of engaging in reflection. Take the negative emotion and let it be an indicator of what is missing in a relationship (with someone else or even with yourself). This self-reflection calls for a tremendous amount of discipline and system-2 thinking. The most challenging thing to do is to have that new thought pattern become habitual. To read more about Jesse’s crucial work, please visit his website: http://www.conflict-unplugged.com/.>

 

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Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish: Wisdom is Stronger than Bombs

Segment 1: Conflict is Caused by Fear.

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is the esteemed Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish, a Palestinian medical doctor who has dedicated his life to raising awareness for peace between Israel and Palestine. Dr. Abuelaish is also the founder of Daughters for Life, a foundation established to advance the education and health of girls and women from the Middle East.

 

Dr. Abuelaish believes the Palestinians need to be responsible for their own lives and for their own health and well-being, but the world needs to help them. It’s a mutual responsibility. A lot of conflict is caused by fear. In order to overcome that deep seated fear we need to be open and honest. Most fear comes from misinformation, a psychological barrier or ignorance. It’s easy to hide behind fear, but we must take responsibility to face our fears and learn about other cultures in order to find common ground.

 

Segment 2: No Child is Born a Warrior.

It is fear, ignorance and greed that drive the vast majority of violence and conflict. Humans become habitual in the way they view the world and violence becomes a means to an end. It is difficult to end that cycle. Dr. Abuelaish thinks once we have justice in life, we can attain peace. Once we have the human values we were born with, we have no need for violence. Violence is a disease and must be studied and treated as a disease. This disease is man-made; it is manufactured. No child is born a warrior. The best thing to do, if you want to remove violence and fear, is to change the environment in which children are raised.

 

Segment 3: Wisdom is Stronger than Bombs.

Dr. Abuelaish says it’s time for the international community to step up and tell the Israeli government that its attitude toward the Palestinians is not tolerable and we need to have peace in the region. Any progress in the peace process is for the interest of the world, not just for the Palestinians. It will save the Israelis from their self-destructive behavior. The solution is there; now all it takes is the governments to come together and make it happen. It’s time to start to build some trust. Let the actions speak. It’s time for us to ask, “What world do we want for our children? What legacy do we want them to have? What do we want them to inherit?”

 

Despite unimaginable tragedy, Dr. Abuelaish says he is not a victim. The death of his daughters just strengthened his resolve to work tirelessly for peace and justice and freedom. Anger and violence is a destructive disease to the one who carries it. Wisdom and good deeds are stronger than bullets and bombs.

 

Segment 4: Daughters for Life Foundation.

The Daughters for Life Foundation was established in memory of his daughters. Its goal is to promote education of girls and women from the Middle East --- girls who have the potential but not the resources. The most efficient and effective means for change is to invest in the education of girls and women and to enable them to reach their full potential. The child who is educated will have educated children. With that, Dr. Abuelaish can keep his daughters’ memories alive. To learn more about Dr. Abuelaish and his invaluable work, visit http://www.daughtersforlife.com/.>

  

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Restorative Justice: A Humanistic Alternative

Segment 1: A Different Paradigm.

Marty Price, J.D., our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show, is a social worker turned lawyer turned mediator. He is internationally recognized as a leader in Restorative Justice and peacemaking. Professor Price will soon be returning to India to teach Restorative Justice at a top-ranked law school in India (National Academy of Legal Studies and Research) and on this show we will be talking to him about his upcoming trip to India and Restorative Justice. His website is www.vorp.com.

 

Marty started out as a juvenile court social worker, but felt he wasn’t making a big enough difference in the lives of troubled kids and their families. In order to change the system he needed to get a law degree and go to court, but he soon discovered he was much better suited for peacemaking than for being a lawyer warrior. He began his peacemaking journey by volunteering at local dispute resolution centers as a mediator, and then moved to Restorative Justice, which he calls “a different paradigm for understanding crime and justice, and responding to crime with a different sort of justice.” Restorative Justice recognizes that crime is about hurting people: the direct victims, the indirect victims, and the community at large. Crime is about harm. Restorative Justice looks at who was harmed and who has an obligation to make it right.

 

Segment 2: Victim-Offender Mediation.

Victim-Offender Mediation is one form of Restorative Justice. It brings together victims and offenders, voluntarily, if and when they are ready. This work has the potential to transform lives. When people can’t move on, they lose their lives to their crime. Offenders often think of their victims as nameless and faceless. However, through Victim–Offender Mediation, the offender is able to take real, meaningful responsibility for what they have done, and assume an obligation voluntarily. Restorative Justice is not soft on crime; it’s much more difficult to face one’s victim than to face a judge.

 

Segment 3: India’s Criminal Justice System.

India’s criminal justice system, simply put, is broken. India has an incredible backlog of criminal cases. People wait 10-20 years in jail before they get a trial. This mainly happens to the poor, who cannot afford bail or a lawyer. Because of this lack of justice, the offenders and their families are suffering, and the victims’ families are suffering as well. Marty believes Restorative Justice programs can help. At each of the law schools at which Marty taught, students are carrying on Restorative Justice programs they’ve created. Marty planted the seeds; his students are growing the movement.

 

Segment 4: Exchanging Knowledge and Building Goodwill.

The Fulbright Commission of the U.S. Department of State sends students and professors overseas to teach and learn; it brings foreign students and professors to the United States to teach and learn. It’s all about exchanging knowledge and building goodwill and peace between nations. In 2012, Marty went to India as a Fulbright Senior Scholar and taught Restorative Justice in three of the fourteen National Law Universities of India. In January 2013, Marty returns to India to teach at the National Academy of Legal Studies and Research, where the vice-chancellor is an advocate for Restorative Justice. He asked Marty to come and teach for a semester, during which Professor Price will have an opportunity to pursue his own goals: to arrange internships for students to do Restorative Justice work. He is raising money to be able to accomplish this because he does not have a Fulbright Scholarship for this year's work in India. If you would like to support Marty Price and this transformative work, please visit his website at www.vorp.com to find out more information and to make a donation.

 

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Israel and Palestine: Is a One-State Solution Possible?

Segment 1: No Peace with Oppression.

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Israeli peace activist and author, Miko Peled. In September 1997 Miko’s niece was killed by a horrific suicide attack in Jerusalem. When Miko’s sister was interviewed by the press, her response of non-retaliation and compassion deeply affected Miko, which pushed him to study conflict resolution and become a peace activist. He believes there cannot be peace in Israel as long as there is oppression. Until Israelis have rights to water and land and travel and other freedoms, peace is not possible. Miko’s book is titled The General’s Son: Journey of an Israeli in Palestine and his website is http://mikopeled.com/.>

 

Segment 2: Jewish Faith in an Arab Country.

There are extremists who believe the land of Zion is sacred and refuse to give anything up to the Palestinians. The flaw is in the basic idea that you can have a Jewish faith in an Arab country, where half the population is not Jewish, and not have conflict. The only way to move forward is to give everyone equal rights and have a pluralistic society. Very shortly there will be a Palestinian majority, so the demographics are working against the Israelis. Miko says if we believe in justice, we need to go back to the basic fundamentals: human rights, civil rights, equal rights, and use these principals to guide us.

 

Segment 3: A One-State Solution.

So what is going to change in Israel to allow the government to finally recognize that they need to give Palestinians the same rights that the Israelis have? Our guest thinks the strength of the Palestinian resistance is that it’s very smart and very powerful. There are boycotts and Palestinian awareness groups as well as non-violence resistance on the ground. There is a strong resistance movement and Miko believes there is hope for a one-state solution, although there is still tremendous racism and fear.

 

Segment 4: More Activism to be Done.

Miko’s book, The General’s Son, came out in May 2012 and has gotten great reviews. His family is supportive and is all involved in peacemaking. There is still a lot of activism to be done, both in speaking to groups in the United States and being on the ground in Palestine. For more information, please visit Miko’s website at http://mikopeled.com/.>

 

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The Controversial Role of Religion within Peacemaking

Segment 1: The Theology of Fear.

Surprisingly, peacemaking as a concept is not mentioned in the Bible other than in the Beatitudes. On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we’re going to be exploring the role of religion within peacemaking and how the church has changed its view throughout the years. Our guest is Father Emmett Coyne and we’re going to be talking to him about his view of the church and the implications of world peace through faith. Father Coyne is the author of a new book, The Theology of Fear, in which he argues that the Roman Catholic Church has systemically distorted the teachings of Jesus Christ to maintain control, position, power and privilege. He believes the church latched onto using the sacraments as means of controlling its members.

 

Segment 2: Love is an Act of Will.

Father Coyne says that the Catholic Church has moved away from the focus on the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is defined as a vision of how life should be here on life. It’s about THIS WORLD, not our future lives. This definition is spelled out in the Sermon on the Mount. Instead of power, it’s seeking the way of service. Instead of control, it’s liberating others. These are marks of the Kingdom of God. 

 

Father Coyne emphasizes that fear is a feeling, an emotion, but love is not. Love is about doing good, not being good. Love is an act of will. Love is a conscious process. It’s a choice.

 

Segment 3: Keep the Power but Resist Service.

The Church as an institution benefits from protecting the doctrine of fear and control. It reflects more of Caesar than of Christ. The fact that there are no women in the governance of the church is a critical issue. This is a sign of how out-of-step they are with their own theology. It’s a narrow view and an interpretation by a few men to protect what they’ve developed over the years. Father Coyne believes Jesus would be aghast at the Vatican as it is today. The men want to keep the power but resist service.

 

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Staying true to the teachings of Jesus is difficult because it takes a tremendous act of will to overcome our biology. Love is an act of conscious will. Father Coyne believes Christianity should be the “school of love.” We need to understand what love means and how our brains work within the context of love. However, because the church is not studying the “school of love” but instead is still inculcating fear, we’re very far away from understanding the power of love and how it is an act of free will.

 

Jesus used the Parables to teach critical thinking and engage ordinary people into thinking in a new way. Modern Catholic educators do not teach critical thinking; instead they focus on rituals and rites. Our future for peace is dependent on how we treat our children. When we engage in traumatic teachings (i.e. hell, sin, etc.) within an educational environment it can perpetuate war, fear, and violence. And where there is fear, there is no religion.

 

For more information about Father Coyne’s book, The Theology of Fear, please visit his website: http://emmettcoyne.net/.

 

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Convergence: A Mount Everest of an Idea

Segment 1: Dialogue Where There Is Division.

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Aakif Ahmad, co-founder and Vice President of Convergence, a non-profit, non-partisan organization “dedicated to bringing dialogue where there is division, consensus where there is conflict and solutions where there is stalemate on issues of national consequence.” Through Convergence, Aakif helps Americans and Pakistanis work together as well as Democrats and Republicans work together. He’s found that there isn’t much space for our elected officials to cooperate because they are tied to lobbyists and it is difficult to identify where common ground is possible. However, there is a shift in how people see each other when they’re able to step back from the positions for which they’ve been advocating and identify the values from which those positions come. Personal narratives begin to be articulated and they discover places where they can work together to achieve common goals. It is a patient process, and Convergence has benefitted from supporters who want to be part of something geared toward problem-solving.

 

Segment 2: An Inclusive and Safe Space.

One of the goals that Convergence works towards is not only to identify a framework that feels inclusive and safe for the stakeholders, but also to attain a level of creative thinking. It is through creative thinking and open dialogue folks begin to conceive of ways to work together. Even major stakeholders working on opposite sides of issues can flourish in this environment.

 

There is no bias on the outside of the process. Convergence looks for a series of indicators that suggests that a particular issue and the stakeholders around that issue have reached a point where the fight is no longer leading to incremental gains. Research is a large part of the process. They do a tremendous amount of research to find “ripe” issues that might find success with a different approach.

 

Segment 3: The U.S. and Pakistan Relationship.

Convergence has organized a series of events in Pakistan and Washington D.C. where Pakistanis and Americans with leadership roles outside of government have a chance to meet and get to know each other as groups. They talk candidly about their relationship and their hopes, dreams, concerns and fears for their countries. It is at that moment when positions evaporate and common values arise. The groups realize they can work together and that it’s not just a conversation about fear; it’s a conversation about opportunity.

 

Segment 4: The Momentum Continues to Grow.

There is no “one size fits all” approach, and not every issue is ripe and ready to seek an alternative approach. It’s a sincere privilege for the folks at Convergence to assist stakeholders working toward a common vision. Convergence has been around for 3 years and the momentum continues to grow. Their hope is that they can help their current stakeholders achieve the breakthroughs they are striving towards, as well be in a position to extend their services to others through continued support and resources. To learn more about Convergence, please visit their website: http://www.convergencepolicy.org/.>

 

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Spiritual Intelligence in the Workplace

Segment 1: Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Cindy Wigglesworth. After receiving a Master’s Degree from Duke University and spending over 20 years in Human Resources at Exxon Mobile, Cindy founded her current business, Deep Change, in 2000. She is the author of SQ21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence, and a recognized expert in the field of Spiritual Intelligence.

 

Cindy’s personal journey started when she spent a few years in India as a child. It was there that her interest in different cultures and ideas began. She was raised Roman Catholic but always had nagging questions like: we need to love one another but where is the practical advice about how to do that? How does this world make sense? How can we all get along? What is the purpose of life?

 

Cindy developed her Emotional Intelligence as an adult and then through personal research stumbled onto Spiritual Intelligence. She found that EQ and SQ were hugely important for strong leadership but no one had the ability to talk about these topics because they didn’t have the language. Emotional Intelligence as a body of literature was not available. She began by using Myers Briggs personality tests and observed how people could communicate clearly and get tasks accomplished but not be overly annoying. She began to imitate what she was seeing in order to become a more effective leader.

 

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Emotions are big part of how and why we make certain decisions. When Cindy teaches seminars on Spiritual Intelligence she asks her students: what spiritual leaders do you admire? What are the character traits that cause you to admire them? Then, once the traits are named, she asks if any of those character traits are not appropriate in the work place (no). Eventually her students learn that wisdom and compassion have to coexist for Spiritual Intelligence to be effective.

 

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The most important piece of language surrounding Spiritual Intelligence is the understanding that we have an ego self and a higher self. The ego is the normal operating system that typically runs our lives (with high drama and proneness to flight of flight), which is fine if our only objective is to stay alive. However, if we have other objectives like having a purpose or having joy in your life, the ego can get in the way. The higher self is the part of us that can calm the “drama queen” limbic system. With practice we can rewire the triggers that anger us. It takes discipline and practice, but it can change.

 

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So how do we learn a compassionate response instead of a fear response? The first step is to understand the voice of our ego and higher self, and get clear about our core values and belief systems. Then we need to be able to get ourselves “into the mind” of anyone, which is essentially being empathic. In doing so, we become profoundly aware of the interconnectivity of life. We are not solo players. When we do things there are repercussions. When we feel threatened, we contract and the ego-habituated path takes over, which doesn’t serve us. To override this response takes practice and motivation, but it is possible.

 

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