Due to his training in social work, Bill had insights as to why people behave the way they do. As a lawyer he noticed that the high-conflict court cases were driven by the dynamics of personality disorders. The characteristics of these types of disorders include: all or nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behavior, and a preoccupation of blaming others.
Segment 2: The High Conflict Personality. Traits and disorders are a distinction that mental health professionals use that are not significant to the average person, which is why Bill began using the term “high conflict personality.” Although HCP people can look and seem normal at times, they are much more likely to get stuck in a conflict or be triggered by the environment around them. HCPs are preoccupied with blaming others, and they tend toward all or nothing thinking. Their solutions are extreme and unpredictable.
Segment 3: The C.A.R.S. Method. When dealing with someone who is a High Conflict Personality, one can manage the relationship by using Bill’s CARS method. The CARS method addresses the 4 key areas of difficulty that people have when dealing with high conflict personalities.
C – Connecting. Form a positive connection with these folks (which can be counterintuitive at times).
A – Analyze. Shift away from emotions to problem-solving. “Let’s look at our options here. What do you propose?”
R – Respond calmly to inaccurate information or hostile communications by using a “BIFF” response: brief, informative, friendly and firm.
S – Set Limits. HCPs can’t stop themselves. We must let them know what the consequences of their actions will be. Educate them and let them have a choice. It’s not personal; it’s about policies, or rules, or external circumstances.
Segment 4: www.highconflictinstitute.com. The more you think about all these steps and practice them, the easier it becomes. To learn more about Bill’s invaluable work and the High Conflict Institute, please visit http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/.
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