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Segment 1: Conflict Management Coaching.  On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we are speaking with lawyer, mediator, certified coach and former social worker Cinnie Noble. Cinnie is the founder of CinergyCoaching.com, a business focused on Conflict Management Coaching. Cinnie’s journey started as a social worker, working with people with disabilities. She started the first travel agency in Canada for people with disabilities, which taught her how to be a business owner and an advocate, and eventually led her to law school. In law school she began looking at conflict in a different way. Cinnie studied Family Law and ultimately found herself in mediation in the late 1980’s when it was a relatively new field. She became interested in studying how people learned conflict management and dealt with conflicts within the workplace, and eventually started her Conflict Management Coaching business.

Segment 2: Conflict Intelligence.  What is Conflict Management Coaching? It is a one-on-one process for helping people strengthen their ability to engage in conflict. It might be used before, during or after the conflict. The goal is to develop conflict intelligence and more proficiency in dealing with conflict. Her clients know what their habits are and what they’re trying to shift. The coaching is used to help people get underneath the emotions and ask, What’s triggering it? What’s behind it? How can we regulate he emotion and deal with the conflict in a healthy way? 

Segment 3: The Importance of Self-Reflection.  In mediation training there is very little that teaches us how to manage strong emotions. Cinnie often helps mediators who are suffering from fatigue and burn-out. In general, many of the lawyers and mediators who come to Cinnie for help have not been trained in being self-reflective and doing enough work exploring their own personal views and triggers. She would love to see ongoing coaching in mediation training centered around emotional intelligence. 

Segment 4: Practice, Theory, and Science.  So how does one go about becoming a conflict coach? Cinnie does a few online tele-seminars and webinars every year for folks all over the world. The candidates get coached through the training process and get certified. Cinnie’s book includes coaching principles, conflict management principles, and neuroscience principles. (Practice, theory, and the science behind it.) To learn more about Cinnie’s work, please visit her website: http://www.cinergycoaching.com/.

To listen to the entire interview, please CLICK HERE or visit http://wsradio.com/081414-cinergy-coaching-peacemaking-one-person-time/.

Segment 1: You’re Going to Start a Movement. Part of the peacemaking process is teaching people who are in the darkest of circumstances that they actually do have power and choices. To illustrate this we are speaking with Shellie Hunt, Founder of The Women of Global Change, on this edition of The Doug Noll Show. Shellie grew up in poverty, but even as a young age had mentors who taught her about the human potential and the cause and effect of her actions. She learned that our core programs affect our feelings, our feelings affect our behavior, and our behavior directly affects our results. As Shellie stepped into adulthood she decided she did not want to fight other women for success (camaraderie vs. competition). So as women, how do we support each other? How do we pave a path for our children? One of her favorite sayings is, “If you have one woman on a mission, you’re going to have a change. If you have a group of women on a mission, you’re going to start a movement.”

Segment 2: Look for Qualities You Want to Learn. Women are natural multi-taskers, which is one of the qualities of a leader. Shellie emphasizes being a leader of self, being a leader at home, being a leader in the community, and then taking the leadership out into the world. Believe that you’re capable. Trust your intuition. Find a mentor. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, a business leader. Look for the qualities that you want to learn.

Segment 3: How Do We Work Together as Women? Shellie travels internationally and sees women being empowered everywhere, especially women 35 and under. Still, in many countries women are essentially owned; they are not even citizens. As long as women are disenfranchised there will never be peace in the world. Additionally, if we don’t invest in helping women become good parents, we will have continued violence.

The Women of Global Change came about because Shellie was doing projects in the United States but started to travel more internationally. Throughout her travels she realized that we cannot be fully raised in humanity until women are free. The Women of Global Change ask, How do we make positive progress and change for ourselves, our communities, and the world? How do we learn to do business together in today’s global society?

Segment 4: Emotional Intelligence. Regarding today’s social media, Shellie thinks we are losing touch with ourselves and losing the ability to connect with others. A text message contains no emotional data. EQ (Emotional Intelligence) should be taught at home and at school. If we’re not emotionally intelligent about ourselves and the people we come into conflict with, we will have a never ending cycle of escalation that leads to nothing but misery. Emotional Intelligence is not innate; it needs to be taught. Shellie’s coaching business is about inspiring the next generation and teaching them EQ. For more information about Shellie, visit www.thewomenofglobalchange.com.

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Segment 1: Anger is a Normal Human Emotion.

Our guest on this episode of The Doug Noll Show is Nathanial Smith. Nathanial is a professional counselor specializing in anger, depression, anxiety and domestic violence. His is the author of Taming Your Temper, a Workbook for Individuals, Couples and Groups. His website is http://www.nathanielsmithcounselor.com/.

Nathanial’s father was in the mental health profession for many years and helped thousands of people, which is ultimately what drew Nathanial to this career. He’d like his legacy to be the same as his father’s: help people get in touch with their emotions and become empowered and courageous enough to address feelings of anger, anxiety and depression. Anger is a normal human emotion, but when it’s applied as a form of aggression and people’s rights are violated, it becomes a problem.

So how do you teach people to manage their anger? In his book Taming Your Temper, Nathanial gives exercises to practice control. There are pragmatic ways to communicate and solve conflicts, but it needs to start at a young age. Parents need to sit down with their children and talk about communication and feelings.

Segment 2: Emotional Intelligence.

In Nathanial’s experience, men don’t learn to express feelings. It’s important to teach our kids emotional intelligence at an early age so they can become empathic adults. Nathanial is a cognitive coach: he helps people become aware and articulate what they’re feeling and make a choice about how they want to respond in that moment. Once people realize they do have a choice, they become empowered.

Segment 3: The Physical Response to Anger.

Nathanial wanted to write a book to help people realize that their anger is manageable. He began putting together a list of tools to help clients during their counseling sessions, and realized after a while that he had enough information to create a workbook. The book is full of exercises and examples that people can use to become emotionally aware. He wanted to give people a way to get help in the privacy of their own home.

There is a physical response to anger: your heart rate gets faster, your adrenalin surges, your muscles tense up, your prefrontal cortex shuts down and you look for some sort of a release. With people who are resistant to becoming vulnerable and exploring feelings, Nathanial starts with teaching them the physical response. Once they understand that, he moves into the emotional part. Somatic awareness is one of the first steps of developing emotional intelligence.

Segment 4: Fear Shuts Us Down.

Empathy is defined as recognizing the emotions of others. To do this, we need to learn how to be in touch with our own emotions. Fear shuts us down and can devastate our lives. Nathanial finds that once people push through the fear of having to open up and be vulnerable, they bloom and have a fantastic transformation.  

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Segment 1: Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Cindy Wigglesworth. After receiving a Master’s Degree from Duke University and spending over 20 years in Human Resources at Exxon Mobile, Cindy founded her current business, Deep Change, in 2000. She is the author of SQ21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence, and a recognized expert in the field of Spiritual Intelligence.

Cindy’s personal journey started when she spent a few years in India as a child. It was there that her interest in different cultures and ideas began. She was raised Roman Catholic but always had nagging questions like: we need to love one another but where is the practical advice about how to do that? How does this world make sense? How can we all get along? What is the purpose of life?

Cindy developed her Emotional Intelligence as an adult and then through personal research stumbled onto Spiritual Intelligence. She found that EQ and SQ were hugely important for strong leadership but no one had the ability to talk about these topics because they didn’t have the language. Emotional Intelligence as a body of literature was not available. She began by using Myers Briggs personality tests and observed how people could communicate clearly and get tasks accomplished but not be overly annoying. She began to imitate what she was seeing in order to become a more effective leader.

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Emotions are big part of how and why we make certain decisions. When Cindy teaches seminars on Spiritual Intelligence she asks her students: what spiritual leaders do you admire? What are the character traits that cause you to admire them? Then, once the traits are named, she asks if any of those character traits are not appropriate in the work place (no). Eventually her students learn that wisdom and compassion have to coexist for Spiritual Intelligence to be effective.

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The most important piece of language surrounding Spiritual Intelligence is the understanding that we have an ego self and a higher self. The ego is the normal operating system that typically runs our lives (with high drama and proneness to flight of flight), which is fine if our only objective is to stay alive. However, if we have other objectives like having a purpose or having joy in your life, the ego can get in the way. The higher self is the part of us that can calm the “drama queen” limbic system. With practice we can rewire the triggers that anger us. It takes discipline and practice, but it can change.

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So how do we learn a compassionate response instead of a fear response? The first step is to understand the voice of our ego and higher self, and get clear about our core values and belief systems. Then we need to be able to get ourselves “into the mind” of anyone, which is essentially being empathic. In doing so, we become profoundly aware of the interconnectivity of life. We are not solo players. When we do things there are repercussions. When we feel threatened, we contract and the ego-habituated path takes over, which doesn’t serve us. To override this response takes practice and motivation, but it is possible.

To listen to the complete interview:

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