Segment 1: Anger is a Normal Human Emotion.
Our guest on this episode of The Doug Noll Show is Nathanial Smith. Nathanial is a professional counselor specializing in anger, depression, anxiety and domestic violence. His is the author of Taming Your Temper, a Workbook for Individuals, Couples and Groups. His website is http://www.nathanielsmithcounselor.com/.
Nathanial’s father was in the mental health profession for many years and helped thousands of people, which is ultimately what drew Nathanial to this career. He’d like his legacy to be the same as his father’s: help people get in touch with their emotions and become empowered and courageous enough to address feelings of anger, anxiety and depression. Anger is a normal human emotion, but when it’s applied as a form of aggression and people’s rights are violated, it becomes a problem.
So how do you teach people to manage their anger? In his book Taming Your Temper, Nathanial gives exercises to practice control. There are pragmatic ways to communicate and solve conflicts, but it needs to start at a young age. Parents need to sit down with their children and talk about communication and feelings.
Segment 2: Emotional Intelligence.
In Nathanial’s experience, men don’t learn to express feelings. It’s important to teach our kids emotional intelligence at an early age so they can become empathic adults. Nathanial is a cognitive coach: he helps people become aware and articulate what they’re feeling and make a choice about how they want to respond in that moment. Once people realize they do have a choice, they become empowered.
Segment 3: The Physical Response to Anger.
Nathanial wanted to write a book to help people realize that their anger is manageable. He began putting together a list of tools to help clients during their counseling sessions, and realized after a while that he had enough information to create a workbook. The book is full of exercises and examples that people can use to become emotionally aware. He wanted to give people a way to get help in the privacy of their own home.
There is a physical response to anger: your heart rate gets faster, your adrenalin surges, your muscles tense up, your prefrontal cortex shuts down and you look for some sort of a release. With people who are resistant to becoming vulnerable and exploring feelings, Nathanial starts with teaching them the physical response. Once they understand that, he moves into the emotional part. Somatic awareness is one of the first steps of developing emotional intelligence.
Segment 4: Fear Shuts Us Down.
Empathy is defined as recognizing the emotions of others. To do this, we need to learn how to be in touch with our own emotions. Fear shuts us down and can devastate our lives. Nathanial finds that once people push through the fear of having to open up and be vulnerable, they bloom and have a fantastic transformation.
To listen to the entire interview: