dougnoll’s posthaven

Segment 1: Be Right or Be Happy.

Conflict is heavily tied to emotion. Often emotion arises from traumatic experiences and is a means of coping and surviving those experiences. As peacemakers, how can we work with our emotions so that they become liberating instead of confining? To answer this question we will be speaking with Don Milton on this edition of The Doug Noll Show. http://donmilton.net/

Don’s passion is teaching and coaching others to find opportunity and wisdom within stressful situations. He empowers his clients and encourages them to embrace open doors and unlimited possibilities. He believes that to thrive after catastrophic events depends on our attitude and how we approach the situation. We can either have a break down or a break through. So why is it that people have such a difficult time understanding the choice? It’s human nature: we would rather be right than happy.

Segment 2: Connecting the Head and the Heart.

Don has studied a lot of healing modalities and spiritual practices. His journey began after his divorce in 1990. He grew up in the Catholic Church but started questioning it when he was 18, which led to more and more questions and confusion. After a tough divorce, he met people who had a glow about them and a peace about them, and he wanted that. He began to study energy work and had a spiritual awakening in 1992, and that experience totally changed his life. His journey has been about connecting his head and heart. He says, “The ego and the mind are great things as long as you don’t use them too much.”

Segment 3: Emotional Freedom.

Don calls himself an “Emotional Freedom Coach.” He helps people understand what causes emotional distress and gives them tools to help eliminate the stressors. Don defines the “Cycle of Creation” as: our beliefs determine the way we think about things, our thinking determines the way we feel about things, our feelings determine the actions we take, which determines the results that we get, and then our results determine our beliefs. Beliefs are not easily changed. It takes a great deal of determination and self-awareness to change beliefs.

Segment 4: Divine Guidance.

Don’s work can help folks with anxiety and depression, among other things. He is deeply interested in the mind-body-spirit dynamic. Don believes everyone has access to divine guidance. We all have a divinely directed path as well as free will, and we have a choice: to be right or to be happy. His daily prayer is: I pray to know God’s will for me today, have the faith and the courage to do my part and not be attached to the results. As long as he stays in that space, everything works perfectly.

To find out more about Don and his work, please visit his website: http://donmilton.net/.

To listen to entire interview:

Segment 1

Segment 2

Segment 3

Segment 4

Segment 1: How to Quiet the Negative Voices.

On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we speak with Tom Gagliano. Tom is a successful entrepreneur, life coach, author and public speaker. His website is http://www.thomasgagliano.com/ and his latest book is called The Problem Was Me. Tom grew up in a very volatile, unsafe environment due to an abusive alcoholic father, and although he has been very successful in business he found that he unknowingly continued to sabotage his personal relationships.

Segment 2: Emotional Trauma is the Norm.

Very few people actually achieve true happiness. Why not? Tom thinks that when you feel whole inside, when you feel like you are “enough,” there is no void you need to fill with other people’s accolades. It’s all about inner fulfillment. Emotional trauma in childhood is the norm, not the exception. The most important thing a family can do for their children is to create a safe environment. If a child feels safe at home, he will grow up feeling safe in the world. If a child grows up with explosions - physical or emotional – in the home, and if the version of intimacy they receive is one that is fearful or painful, they will carry that version of intimacy into their adult life and sabotage their relationships.

As parents we naturally want to guide our children. However, occasionally we need to relinquish the need to be right, and instead choose closeness. Our children really listen to us when we really listen to them. Our kids just want to be heard.

There are subtle signs of self-destructive or addictive behavior: when people have abnormal anger, i.e. when the degree of anger doesn’t fit the situation, they need to address the deeper issues. It’s difficult for people to talk about their feelings; they either shut down or they react with anger. To be empathic you need to observe and understand other people’s feelings, but in order to do that you need to first understand your OWN feelings.

Segment 3: Bullying and What to Do About It.

If you are married to someone with deep emotional trauma, there are a few things to do to help. When someone is damaged they are very sensitive. Be compassionate. Say things with love. Use healthy boundaries and don’t accept unacceptable behavior. Be gentle. Let them talk. Listen. Eventually you will get under their fears and under their pain and trust will build.

Tom believes that the ubiquitous computer has made a difference in our kids. They have a destructive “entitlement” view of the world. Additionally, working mothers and fathers may feel guilty so they over-indulge their kids. If the child is not getting (emotionally) what they need from their parents, the child ends up making some victim “pay” for it. Bullies are made, not born. So what can a parent do if they are told their kid is a bully? Talk to the principal and the teacher. There needs to be a coalition. Talk to the child. The kid doesn’t feel safe enough at home to talk about what’s going on at school. If they’re not getting their emotional needs met at home, they’re either going to act OUT in anger as a bully or they’re going to act IN their anger and be a target and a victim for bullies. It’s one or the other.

Segment 4: Choose Closeness Instead.

If you have a kid who is a bully, Tom recommends this approach: listen, share, and reveal yourself. Become vulnerable. Give up the right to be right and choose closeness instead. Let compassion guide what you say and do. Slow down and become more non-reactive. If you have a kid who is the target of bullies, Tom recommends this approach: talk to people you can trust and focus on what’s best for your child instead of reacting with anger. Listen to your child. Protect her. Show her that she is valuable and worth protecting. This takes a lot of presence, self-awareness and patience.

To listen to the entire interview:

Segment 1

Segment 2

Segment 3

Segment 4