Segment 1: How to Quiet the Negative Voices.
On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we speak with Tom Gagliano. Tom is a successful entrepreneur, life coach, author and public speaker. His website is http://www.thomasgagliano.com/ and his latest book is called The Problem Was Me. Tom grew up in a very volatile, unsafe environment due to an abusive alcoholic father, and although he has been very successful in business he found that he unknowingly continued to sabotage his personal relationships.
Segment 2: Emotional Trauma is the Norm.
Very few people actually achieve true happiness. Why not? Tom thinks that when you feel whole inside, when you feel like you are “enough,” there is no void you need to fill with other people’s accolades. It’s all about inner fulfillment. Emotional trauma in childhood is the norm, not the exception. The most important thing a family can do for their children is to create a safe environment. If a child feels safe at home, he will grow up feeling safe in the world. If a child grows up with explosions - physical or emotional – in the home, and if the version of intimacy they receive is one that is fearful or painful, they will carry that version of intimacy into their adult life and sabotage their relationships.
As parents we naturally want to guide our children. However, occasionally we need to relinquish the need to be right, and instead choose closeness. Our children really listen to us when we really listen to them. Our kids just want to be heard.
There are subtle signs of self-destructive or addictive behavior: when people have abnormal anger, i.e. when the degree of anger doesn’t fit the situation, they need to address the deeper issues. It’s difficult for people to talk about their feelings; they either shut down or they react with anger. To be empathic you need to observe and understand other people’s feelings, but in order to do that you need to first understand your OWN feelings.
Segment 3: Bullying and What to Do About It.
If you are married to someone with deep emotional trauma, there are a few things to do to help. When someone is damaged they are very sensitive. Be compassionate. Say things with love. Use healthy boundaries and don’t accept unacceptable behavior. Be gentle. Let them talk. Listen. Eventually you will get under their fears and under their pain and trust will build.
Tom believes that the ubiquitous computer has made a difference in our kids. They have a destructive “entitlement” view of the world. Additionally, working mothers and fathers may feel guilty so they over-indulge their kids. If the child is not getting (emotionally) what they need from their parents, the child ends up making some victim “pay” for it. Bullies are made, not born. So what can a parent do if they are told their kid is a bully? Talk to the principal and the teacher. There needs to be a coalition. Talk to the child. The kid doesn’t feel safe enough at home to talk about what’s going on at school. If they’re not getting their emotional needs met at home, they’re either going to act OUT in anger as a bully or they’re going to act IN their anger and be a target and a victim for bullies. It’s one or the other.
Segment 4: Choose Closeness Instead.
If you have a kid who is a bully, Tom recommends this approach: listen, share, and reveal yourself. Become vulnerable. Give up the right to be right and choose closeness instead. Let compassion guide what you say and do. Slow down and become more non-reactive. If you have a kid who is the target of bullies, Tom recommends this approach: talk to people you can trust and focus on what’s best for your child instead of reacting with anger. Listen to your child. Protect her. Show her that she is valuable and worth protecting. This takes a lot of presence, self-awareness and patience.
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Segment 1 – Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll Show is Brian McLaren: author, speaker, activist and public theologian. His latest book is titled Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? (Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World). Brian’s website is http://www.brianmclaren.net/.
Brian started his career as college English professor and ended up being part of a small congregation, of which he later became the pastor. He recently left pastoral hood in order to devote more time to writing and speaking. Brian grew up as a conservative evangelical, where evolution was not something you believed and the bible was interpreted literally.
A lot of folks frame the world today in broad sweeping terms, as in “it’s a Muslim world against the Christian world.” Why is it that people are so quick to deduce the difficult conflicts in our world down to religious identity? According to our guest, one of the ways we feel safe is by finding a tribe or community where we think we belong. We often define “us” by having opposition toward “them.” We tell stories about how “they” oppressed us, which gives us the feeling of bonding with our tribe.
Segment 2 – Let’s say Jesus, Buddha and Mohammed met up in a bar…what do you think they would talk about? Brian believes they would talk about the religions that have been formed in the world today, and they might talk with great sadness and pain about the things that are being done in their name. The lesson to “love one another” and “love your enemies” is the toughest teaching to follow. It is difficult to accept the feeling of love instead of the biological feeling of hatred for an enemy who is threatening. Security trumps peace. We have forms of religions that in some ways are trying to protect the status quo for the social and political elite, and then we have other forms of religions that are trying to transform the status quo. The latter’s focus is on the people at the bottom of the pyramid. Essentially we have religions of control and religions of transformation. Interestingly, each one sees themselves as the maintainer of peace.
Segment 3 – We consistently do two things already: 1) We either know how to have a strong religious identity and be hostile to people with other religious identities, or 2) We have the opposite approach, which is to have a weak or benign identity (we think the only way to become less hostile is to become less Christian). Brian thinks we need a better alternative to these two approaches. He believes the more committed to Christianity we are, the more dedicated we need to be to peacemaking and to learning the skills of interacting with people of different religious beliefs. Unfortunately, when a person who is a member of “us” advocates that we show compassion and understanding and tries to humanize “them,” that person is often seen as a traitor. In many ways it’s the story of Jesus.
Segment 4 – So how can we rethink the concept of Eucharist and instead of having it be a sacrificial, violent exercise, have it be a peace-loving, engaged spiritual practice? Brian tells us that Jesus envisioned a form of religion where (animal) sacrifice was not part of the ritual. To find out more, listen to the complete interview:
Segment 1: The Theology of Fear.
Surprisingly, peacemaking as a concept is not mentioned in the Bible other than in the Beatitudes. On this edition of The Doug Noll Show we’re going to be exploring the role of religion within peacemaking and how the church has changed its view throughout the years. Our guest is Father Emmett Coyne and we’re going to be talking to him about his view of the church and the implications of world peace through faith. Father Coyne is the author of a new book, The Theology of Fear, in which he argues that the Roman Catholic Church has systemically distorted the teachings of Jesus Christ to maintain control, position, power and privilege. He believes the church latched onto using the sacraments as means of controlling its members.
Segment 2: Love is an Act of Will.
Father Coyne says that the Catholic Church has moved away from the focus on the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is defined as a vision of how life should be here on life. It’s about THIS WORLD, not our future lives. This definition is spelled out in the Sermon on the Mount. Instead of power, it’s seeking the way of service. Instead of control, it’s liberating others. These are marks of the Kingdom of God.
Father Coyne emphasizes that fear is a feeling, an emotion, but love is not. Love is about doing good, not being good. Love is an act of will. Love is a conscious process. It’s a choice.
Segment 3: Keep the Power but Resist Service.
The Church as an institution benefits from protecting the doctrine of fear and control. It reflects more of Caesar than of Christ. The fact that there are no women in the governance of the church is a critical issue. This is a sign of how out-of-step they are with their own theology. It’s a narrow view and an interpretation by a few men to protect what they’ve developed over the years. Father Coyne believes Jesus would be aghast at the Vatican as it is today. The men want to keep the power but resist service.
Segment 4:
Staying true to the teachings of Jesus is difficult because it takes a tremendous act of will to overcome our biology. Love is an act of conscious will. Father Coyne believes Christianity should be the “school of love.” We need to understand what love means and how our brains work within the context of love. However, because the church is not studying the “school of love” but instead is still inculcating fear, we’re very far away from understanding the power of love and how it is an act of free will.
Jesus used the Parables to teach critical thinking and engage ordinary people into thinking in a new way. Modern Catholic educators do not teach critical thinking; instead they focus on rituals and rites. Our future for peace is dependent on how we treat our children. When we engage in traumatic teachings (i.e. hell, sin, etc.) within an educational environment it can perpetuate war, fear, and violence. And where there is fear, there is no religion.
For more information about Father Coyne’s book, The Theology of Fear, please visit his website: http://emmettcoyne.net/.
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Segment 1: The Center of Peace and Liberty
From Afghanistan and Pakistan to Iran and Israel, crises are flourishing today. On this edition of The Doug Noll show we will be talking about the world conflicts that exist today and our own country’s history with war and conflict. Our guest is Dr. Ivan Eland, Senior Fellow and Director of the Center on Peace and Liberty at the Independent Institute (www.independent.org). Ivan spent 15 years working for congress in various capacities before getting into the Think Tank world. The Center on Peace and Liberty studies war, civil liberties and freedom. Through research they have shown that much of the erosion of civil liberties and loss of freedom in the United States’ history has occurred because of war. When our country has a crisis and the government puts anti-liberties regulation in place, it’s very difficult to remove the legislation, even when we have a liberal president in office.
Segment 2: A Standard Pattern
The slogan “the best defense is a good offense” is fine for conventional warfare but for terrorism it’s just the opposite. A strong offense with terrorism usually just creates more terrorism. Getting Bin Laden was important because we decimated the al-Qaeda leadership, but Ivan thinks that we should’ve stopped there, instead of going into Somalia, Pakistan and the Arabian Peninsula. We’re making more enemies. There is a standard pattern with terrorists: once they hit their opponent, they hope that the opponent will overreact, which enables them to gain more funding and recruits.
Segment 3: The Most Aggressive Country on the Planet
In regards to Syria, whenever a country is in a civil war it’s very chaotic. We don’t have good intelligence in Syria about “who’s radical and who’s not” so if we send heavier weapons to Syria we risk having terrorists get their hands on them. There’s only been one war in U.S. history (the War of 1812) that has not had dire political repercussions. Obama has been cautious to get into war. Romney has pressure to ramp up the volume of weapon sales to the rebels. For most of our history we’ve run a restrained foreign policy, but it started eroding with the Spanish-American war, then we hit WWI and WWII and after WWII we are the king nation and the super power. We became the most aggressive country on the planet. We need to retreat from our overly-interventionist policy. This does not make us isolationists. Every problem in the world does not need to be solved by the U.S. We can’t afford it, financially or otherwise.
Segment 4: Imperial Overextension
The policy of intervention has held up thus far because the military industrial complex is alive and well. To cut back on military spending would put a lot of people out of work. So how do we change the course of this country? We need to reconfigure our military into a more defensive profile. Our economy is stagnant but our military budget is growing fast, which brings about imperial overextension. We could save a lot of money if the defense department did what it was supposed to do and the constitution provided for the common defense instead of the common offense. We have been the most aggressive country in the world by far, and historically war is the central cause of big government.
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