dougnoll’s posthaven

In the course of love there will always be difficult phases, where you are at risk in drawing down the Trust account. To trust is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows play. There is no overdraft protection in relationships, and a bounced check is lost trust, credibility, and the fragile sweet spot of vulnerability and play disappear. Investing in your personal relationship builds up a savings account of trust.

Deposits to the trust account are made from listening to your partner’s stories, creating empathic connections, building a solid friendship, sharing, problem-solving on smaller issues, and just spending time together. Your job is to understand, not to be understood.

http://www.elusivepeace.com

http://www.aleyadao.com

Segment 1: From Syria to Penn State
What is the similarity between Syria and Penn State? Failure of moral character. Bashar al-Assad has brought dishonor to his family and country by failing to take a moral stand against the brutality of the Alawite regime. Jerry Sandusky and the late Joe Paterno brought dishonor to themselves and Penn State by engaging in flawed moral behavior. On this edition of the Doug Noll Show we explore the issue of moral character by speaking with Len Marrella, founder and President of the Center for Leadership and Ethics and author of the award-winning book, In Search of Ethics, Conversations with Men & Women of Character. Len’s website is www.lenmarrella.com.

Len was fortunate to have parents who instilled the notion of character, which he has built upon throughout his life, both in the military and within the private sector. Len found early on that it was easier to be honest and trustworthy than not, and that others are irresistibly attracted to people of character. He tells us, “In the end, our character is our destiny.”

Moral character and ethical behavior is the foundation of trust. So why is it difficult for many to make sound, trust-worthy decisions? Our moral values have been incrementally deteriorating over the last 50 years due to affluence, expectations, and entitlement. In a sense we have too much freedom. The most important freedom we posses is the one to discipline ourselves, but we are disinclined to do that.

Segment 2: The Decline in Educational System Link
Len and I both believe that there has been a decline in our educational system and that critical thinking skills are not being taught in school. Making moral decisions requires critical thinking skills. The inability to deal with ambiguity, complexity and uncertainty drives people to simple decisions that are not value-based.

Regarding Penn State, when there’s so much success, money and power involved, it’s easy to get a false sense of pride that is not to be jeopardized. It’s a classic case of conflicting values: loyalty to a regime, family, or school versus moral, truthful character.

So how do we, as teachers, parents and a society, teach moral courage? Moral courage can be defined as the ability to handle adverse consequences (shunned by friends, judged by family, rejected by society) for making a moral decision. However, Len repeatedly reiterates to his students that they are going to be “happier, healthier and more successful” if they do things the right way.

Segment 3: HIs Word is His Bond
At West Point Len admits he was first motivated purely by fear, but soon learned that his word was his bond, and that was a great - and easier - way to live. He became motivated by character. When we meet people who live up to a moral code it is enlightening and inspirational. It’s about authenticity, a willingness to serve, love for your fellow man.

Segment 4: How to Heal
In order for Penn State to heal from this massive failure of moral character, they must acknowledge the wrong, be extremely humble, and have a willingness to serve. Often we can learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. We as a society are a forgiving people, and it is possible to turn this mistake into an opportunity to grow and evolve. Penn State can survive and thrive with moral leadership, restorative justice work and effective peacemaking.

Click below to listen to the full interview:

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San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) July 13, 2012

Douglas Noll, peacemaker, award winning attorney, and award winning author, along with his wife Aleya Dao, a gifted sound healer, energy practitioner and Doctor of Oriental Medicine, have created a series of videos to teach couples the answers and secrets for developing, maintaining, and growing emotional intimacy. “We all want to feel loved, listened to and have our needs met. Yet, the inability to accomplish these things is the exact reason for relationships ending and couples suffering, which is sad since strategies to create intimacy can be learned,” Noll says.

A video sample can be viewed on You Tube (). The series teaches couples to pay attention to the emotional experience of their partner, rather than focusing on the words they are saying. “When we are heard by our partner, we are soothed, honored, and feel hope that our needs can be met,” Noll explains. “When we tune into the feeling our partner is experiencing, they know we are connecting to them intimately,” Dao adds.

The couple teaches how empathy creates a bridge during conflict. Noll, a professional mediator uses communication skills to resolve conflicts between families, couples, corporations and organizations. “I find that when people in conflict feel heard by the other party, a shift happens and resolution can come easily after that experience,” Noll observes. Dao uses her skills as a sound healer and energy practitioner to teach couples about the energetic shift that can happen when couples experience empathy without judgment from their partners. Combining the couple’s two different practices into practical and easy-to-understand strategies for couples is resonating with audiences resulting in hundreds of viewers within hours after posting their first video. “We know we are onto something here. Using the combined skills and different approaches from our two practices merges the emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs for couples to create authentic intimacy that results in the joy and bliss most couples strive for but cannot achieve,” Noll says. To register for the next webinar visit http://www.aleyadao.com/catalog/products/Relationship-Series-with-Aleya-and-Doug/541/Relationship-Series-with-Aleya-and-Doug/2579.html

About Doug Noll
Douglas Noll is the winner of the International Peace and Justice Book Award for Elusive Peace: How Modern Diplomatic Strategies Could Better Resolve World Conflicts (http://www.amazon.com/Elusive-Peace-Diplomatic-Strategies-Conflicts/dp/1616144173/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339101596&sr=1-1). Doug is the 2012 winner of the CLAY award for co-founding the pro bono project Prison of Peace. Doug is a keynote speaker and sought after leader in the field of international, domestic and business conflicts. Doug is a sought after interview guest on TV and radio, and a keynote speaker and workshop presenter. Doug is a full time peacemaker and mediator, specializing in difficult, complex, and intractable conflicts, an adjunct professor of law and has a Master’s Degree in Peacemaking and Conflict Studies. Mr. Noll is AV-rated and was a business and commercial trial lawyer for 22 years before turning to peacemaking. Doug is a founding board member of Mediators Beyond Borders, and the 2012 President of the California Dispute Resolution Council.

Noll is a Fellow of the International Academy of Mediators, a Distinguished Fellow of the American College of Civil Trial Mediators, a Diplomat of the California and National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals, a core faculty member of the American Institute of Mediation, and on the American Arbitration Association panel of mediators and arbitrators. Mr. Noll was one of the first U.S. mediators certified under the international mediator standards established by the International Mediation Institute. Doug is the author of Elusive Peace: How Modern Diplomatic Strategies Could Better Resolve World Conflicts (Prometheus, 2011), the winner of the international peace and justice book award. Doug Noll is a core faculty member of the American Institute of Mediation, a preeminent mediation Training Institute founded by Lee Jay Berman. http://americaninstituteofmediation.com

About Aleya Dao
Aleya is a sound healer, energetic practitioner, Minister in the state of California, Doctor of Oriental Medicine in New Mexico, and a Licensed Acupuncturist in Colorado. She has been an alternative healer for 20 years.

Aleya graduated from Lewis and Clark University in Portland, Oregon and earned her Master's Degree in Oriental Medicine from The Southwest Acupuncture School in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She practiced in Telluride, Colorado for 7 years before moving to Santa Barbara, California where she now serves an international clientele as a spiritual guide and sound healer.

She produces the daily CUPS OF CONSCIOUSNESS meditations, subscription-based guided meditations. http://www.aleyadao.com

Segment 1: The Human Cost

Besides the enormous financial deficit that the Iraqi war and military operations in Afghanistan have caused the U.S., the human cost has been astronomical. In 2012, according to a recent Pentagon study, there has been one military suicide each day. On average 19 veterans commit suicide each day, with the majority being 18-29 years old. These suicide stats need to be addressed.

 

Our guest on this edition of The Doug Noll show is Bob Rail. Bob is the author of Surviving the International War Zone: Security Lessons Learned and Stories from Police and Military Peacekeeping Forces. After an extensive street law enforcement career, Bob became an International Police Officer for the U.N. in Bosnia and Kosovo, and designed curriculums for police officers from 60 nations all over the world.  Bob’s website is www.robertrail.com.

 

Doug asks Bob to reflect on the adaptation challenges, both going into a war zone and returning from one. Bob says that the human being is an incredible biomechanical machine which can adapt to anything. When you’re in a war zone you either adapt or die. The penalty for not adapting is complete. However, it’s difficult to unadapt. Veterans from WW2 still have times when they can’t eat certain foods or smell certain smells.

 

Segment 2: The War Zone Habit

When you’re going to a war zone, you have to adapt quickly to a very dangerous environment. Bob believes the military does an outstanding job of training our people to go to war, but when they come back, they come back ALONE. A war zone is a habit; you can’t just shut it off. The danger factor alone creates an intense bonding experience within your team. When you’re in dangerous situations your team becomes your family. You speak casually with your colleagues in a war zone about things you would never speak about with anyone else.

 

Segment 3: The Reentry Experience

To help a young person coming back from a war zone to readapt, recognize that the person who went away is not the person who came home. Listen to them. Some serious warning signs are: if you’re engaged in a conversation and they stop talking and shut down, if they sit in a dark room for hours at a time, or if they start giving away special items like jewelry or watches. Don’t let them shut down and retreat within. Intervention hotlines are available and there are a lot of people who can help, but the problem is making the connection. Those of us who have not gone through the reentry experience have no clue about the pain and the challenges that the people returning from the war zone have. We become intensely judgmental.

 

Segment 4: Current Kosovo

Regarding Syria and the UN monitoring force there currently, Bob thinks it’s an impossible job and that there is not going to be a solution if they stay on their current path. They are in over their heads and untrained. Kosovo will self-destruct. Instead of the UN bringing a homogenized society together they established a political duality with two elected officials. This will not work. They want a war and they don’t outside interference.

 

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