Segment 1: Co-Creative Intimate Relationships. Less that 25% of couples report being at peace with each other and in their relationships. To speak about how to improve and deepen intimate relationships we are talking with Aleya Dao (www.aleyadao.com) on this edition of The Doug Noll Show. Aleya is a sound healer, energetic practitioner, and a licensed acupuncturist. She has been an alternative healer for over 20 years and has worked with many couples, helping them to foster healthy and co-creative intimate relationships.
Aleya says about 99% of her clients come to her wanting to work on some aspect of their relationship. They crave deeper levels of intimacy, connection, better communication. She thinks the greatest challenge is that we usually have an assumption that our partner is going to see and recognize our essence and love us unconditionally. Instead, after the honeymoon phase is over we often start projecting our own needs onto our partner.
Segment 2: Practice What You Intend to Master. If we don’t feel safe, we’re not going to be honest or open or vulnerable with our partner. However, sometimes when we are being honest and open and vulnerable, the partner feels attacked, or gets defensive or shuts down, which unfortunately confirms that it’s not safe to open up, be honest or vulnerable. Additionally, we often ask the other person to help us feel safe, instead of finding a safe space inside ourselves and reflecting that back into our reality.
We do the opposite of that which we intend on mastering until we reach a certain level of consciousness and awareness and begin to practice that which we intend on mastering. We might ask ourselves, do we want to stay in the negative spin, or do we want to shift it?
1) Think about your needs
2) Meet that need inside yourself
3) Watch your tone
When people start practicing this, the resentment goes way down, the safety goes way up, and the communication starts increasing because it’s okay to talk about what the needs are.
Segment 3: The Buddha Bubble. When you are in a Buddha Bubble, realize that your partner is working on learning a spiritual lesson. Look higher at their essence and know that they might have forgotten themselves. Reflect back to when you fell in love with them. Hold vigil for your partner and allow them to go through whatever they need to go through. They are doing the opposite of what they are intending on mastering. Breathe into your belly. Imagine what it really means to be a Buddha. Hold yourself in a place of deep stillness and be a good listener.
Segment 4: Be Self-Aware, Be Present. When talking with a partner, if you cannot reflect back from your heart with compassion and caring, the other person can detect if you’re being insincere. You can’t build trust until you come from your heart. The tone is also really reflective. Be self-aware and really present. Start small. Put a timer on the table and for 2 minutes offer to listen to your partner about his or her day, and then reflect back what they’ve said. Our challenge is to maintain a non-reactive presence. To the extent that we can place ourselves in a bubble and be non-reactive and non-critical, and come from a place of compassion, we gain great power within ourselves. We feel empowered and self-confident, which is a wonderful start to a healthy, co-creative relationship. To find out more about Aleya Dao, visit www.aleyadao.com.
To listen to the entire interview: