Arianna began her career in fundraising but quickly found that the work that she most enjoyed was more of the communications-based one-on-one work with donors. After going back to school she eventually partnered with another mediator and started a Family Law mediation business. At the time she was going through a complicated divorce herself and found the work tremendously therapeutic and healing. Her current practice consists of both coaching and mediation, but her cases are predominately mediation. Divorce is an emotional-based issue. Arianna helps her clients navigate a slippery legal slope, but she realizes the social management portion of the divorce is just as, if not more so, important than the legal aspect.
Segment 2: They Just Want to be Heard. ianna tries to humanize the situation and personalize what her clients are going through. She tells stories of similar situations, as well as her own mistakes and how she’s acknowledged them and moved forward. She also uses humor. Divorce is so difficult on an all-consuming level. She wants them to feel safe and supported when they’re in her office. It’s important to build trust right away.
Often clients are feeling a deep injustice. Their brain is telling them that they want vengeance, but in reality, they are wanting something else. They want to be heard. They want connection. They want control of their own lives. Arianna reminds people that when they go to court they end up disempowering themselves and putting their needs, wants, desires into the hands of a judge. In mediation, however, they have total control.
Segment 3: Empathic Listening. You cannot deal with emotions with logic alone. When in the middle of a conflict, don’t listen to the words; listen to the emotions. There are four levels of being an empathic listener:
1) Repeat the words
2) Paraphrase
3) Give core message
4) Label the emotion
Segment 4: The Cost of a Divorce. It costs roughly $100,000 to get a divorce in LA County. It’s a huge waste of money. Collaborative Divorce costs about 60% of a regular divorce, and mediation is considered to cost 10% of the cost of a regular divorce. Mediation is the way to go. Additionally, Loyola and other law schools have programs where people can go to and get free advice. As a client, you need to go in knowing what needs to get done and have your homework ready (including financial data, etc.). She encourages clients to constantly do a cost-benefit analysis of their actions. Ask yourself, “How much is this day in court going to cost me? How much would mediation cost me?” To find out more about Arianna’s services, please visit www.ajmediation.com.
To listen to the entire interview: